~lainakist

New account!





I'm at a crossroads in my life where I think it's important to sit down and reflect on the last year and a half or so, instead of trying to put it out of mind and forget it happened. There are lessons to be learned in everything, even from hardship, and I think it's important to find them.

I've had a really spotty last year and a half. I got into a relationship based on mutual need instead of mutual love, both of us trying to fill a role to feel fulfilled; it took a very exhausting emotional toll on both of us, and it left us both feeling really bitter. I think I lost myself over the course of it, trying to make myself something I wasn't in order to fulfill a roll being asked of me, trying to suppress who I am as a person - and it made me very frustrated and depressed towards the end when I wasn't just letting myself be me.

It's over now, though, as are a lot of things in my life. It's definitely a good thing, and healthier overall; I'm finding myself again, being okay with myself. I'm connecting my head and my heart. I'm rediscovering the things I wanted to do with my life, finding the things I've always wanted but couldn't let myself try for, that I tried to distract myself from to avoid failure. I'm starting fresh, letting go of my bitterness, forgiving and moving on.

So, that having been said!

I'm starting anew in a lot of ways! I'm growing my hair out again, for the most simple of examples. I'm going through my things and getting rid of stuff that no longer feels like me, and I'll be dropping them off at Salvation Army. And, probably the example with the most impact, I'm gonna be moving out soon. I've redone my resume and I've started applying for jobs out of state. I've saved up enough money to get me settled in an apartment for quite some time, too.

And here's where dA comes in; I'm gonna be moving accounts here permanently. This name isn't really me anymore! You're welcome to follow me there, and if not that's cool too - I welcome anyone who wants to come with me, but it's definitely no obligation. As for this account, I'm gonna let it stand as a reminder of where I came from, because no matter how healthy it is that I move on, I definitely can't forget it - otherwise I wouldn't have gotten anything out of it!

So! I'll post the link here in a bit!

tldr; See you at my new account!